Suicide

Last week, two people I represent tried to end it all. Part of me is glad that neither succeeded, part of me wishes they had been successful. Its what they wanted.

The one guy got out of custody after I won a hearing securing his release. It was a Friday. He had nowhere to go because an order of protection prevented him from going to his house. He literally had nothing except his clothes, his seizure medication, and the money in his pocket. There was enough to cover a few nights at a motel. By Monday, he had no money and was denied emergency housing. With nowhere to go and no one to turn to, with two or three more felonies on the horizon, he decided it was time to end it.

I went to the hospital on Friday night. Walked into his room and found him curled up in bed. The only thing he had left was his little Bible.

He got booted from the psych ward a few days ago. No insurance. Indictments on new felonies went through. Cops were called. They were waiting for him when he got booted. Back in jail.

Sometimes I have visions of vultures feeding off of carcasses. I think there is a class of people here who have "made it," the elite, the few, the proud, the white, the men, the lawyers, the judges, the DAs, that feeds on those who have to "break the law" to survive. This city continues to slowly rot, people have to break the law to survive, and those who run this joint are somehow totally incapable of recognizing that people have to break the law to survive. I hear it over and over and over and over. No one wants to do it. In that sense, I suppose those who call the shots could also be characterized as vampires, but I like vampires. Vampires are often portrayed as having a dignified air about them and you gotta feel sorry for someone who can't die and is really in constant pain about not being able to do so. I like vultures too. At least more than the people I'm talking about. But I gotta characterize these people as some kind of animal and for now, the vulture it is. Sorry vultures, just making a point.

Probably time for some lyrics. Looking for a song by The Modulations called "Rough Out Here," but I can't find them for the whole song. Its from like 1975.

People out of work (Can`t get a dime) Still they wonder why (That there is so much crime).

White People

Court was over. There was one guy left, he was just hangin' out waiting for some paperwork or something. His skin was darker than mine. A cop came in after arresting some dude whose skin was also darker than mine. He was about five feet tall, wasn't wearing any shoes, and was in cuffs. The cop said he didn't have ID on him, so there was no way to verify who he was. The guy said his name. The other dude waiting for his paperwork said, "Yeah, I've known him for years, that's who he is." The dude in cuffs said, "Yeah, that's my peoples, we go way back."

The judge then figured it was an appropriate time to do his black talk thing. Or was it his you could be a terrorist thing? Sometimes I get them confused. The judge said, "Oh yeah? How do I know you're not Abdullah bin Wahidi the III, right-hand man of Osama bin Laden?" Everyone laughed. The clerk, the clerk's assistant, the court officers, the police officers, and the ADA, who is not white. The guy in cuffs grimaced, seemingly not able to understand why he was being compared to Osama bin Laden. I don't know what his problem was. After all, you were given a citation for having an open container in a vehicle while in the drive thru at Burger King.

I stood there in disbelief, not really knowing these people, wondering how they could think something like that was funny. The guy in cuffs said something like, "For reals judge, I got a good job and I just wants to be able to get up in the morning and go there. I've been supportin' my kids and I gots to be there." Something like that. The judge chimed in again. "Hey man, how do I know you're not Sheik Ramadi al Haladi?" Or something like that. "You feelin' me my man?" Multitasking white man can do black talk while explaining the nuances of of the more arcane aspects of US foreign policy. Cuffed dude just stood there. Everyone laughed. Harder.

The black talk continued. He does that. Up to that point, I had never seen it with a man, only with women. He fucks with someone. He leans forward in his chair, looks her straight in the eye, and the staring contest begins. I've yet to see either back down. He simply chooses to do it. His demeanor changes. I mean business. I WILL DOMINATE YOU. He says something that's just a little off. She leans back a little, or just to the side, surprised at what she just heard, wondering if the judge is really pullin' this shit. He reacts to that. "You know, I kind of get this feeling that you don't like me." Or something like that. Silence. "Let me tell you something." And it goes on.

After the second accusation of being a terrorist, I stepped in. "What is this man charged with?"

What words could adequately describe this mentality? Straight up racists of course. But these are people who have made a career out of dominating others, of controlling the lives of other people. And its a fucking joke to them. Here we are in the middle of fucking nowhere and you just feel like exploiting the opportunity in front of you: the ability to totally fuck with a guy who is maybe five feet tall, in cuffs, isn't wearing shoes, is black, and is now a terrorist. You just had to do that. Your life is so fucking miserable that you had to take advantage of that? That is some weak ass shit right there. Oh yeah and I left out the comment of the other cop to the guy in cuffs after he heard him say he had been to one of the Carolinas, "You think we're bad? Man, the Southern cops....at least we're fair." That's fair?