Brainmelt

3:33 A.M. That's half of 6:66A.M. Sleep is elusive. I want it more than anything else. Lack of sleep and not knowing whether I've slept. And the day. And the night. And the morning. Spinning wheels hit uneven pavement. It never stops. Names are like clubs, faces and heads detached from bodies, files detached from lives, everyone detached from everyone else 'cause its just a job and if you care too much, the stupidity and futility of it will eat you alive. Very, very quickly.

Parents put their kids in jail. Their 18, 19, 40, and 45 year old children are in jail. I don't know what else to do. We don't know what else to do. If he can get a taste of jail, maybe it will scare him into the right direction.

Maybe it won't. Maybe jail will makes things worse. Its depressing. Last time I checked, depressing wasn't good. She can't be out on the street and I can't have her at the house. But he's not a criminal, he's a drug addict and shouldn't be in jail and her court date isn't for three more weeks and the bail is too high and she's not getting proper medical treatment so we're going to call everyone until we get what we want. Jail was what we wanted but now we want something else. We're going to have the jail personnel miffed at having to pay so much attention to one person, which makes the other inmates pissed because the jail personnel are paying so much attention to one person. We're going to place our trust in you because since the day we were born, we were told stories about the criminal justice system. That it makes things better. Does that put your child at risk? I don't know. I admire aspects of your spirit, of repeatedly calling to make sure things get done. I don't know the whole story and I can see that you are in a tremendous amount of pain. If you, we, society, judges, DAs, legislators, PDs and everyone else are going to put drug addicts in jail, shouldn't there be adequate medical care? Or should we just let them rot and teach them a lesson? After all, for whatever reason, they've chosen not to play this stupid game. I get it. I really do. I'm trying to figure out how to join you. Really show 'em who the boss is? Because we're in control. Can't you see how mass incarceration has made things better?

There's our society and then there is yours. We control yours.